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Monday, September 6, 2010

A letter from the President of the United States to the UN

September 6, 2010

Ban Ki-moon
Secretary General, United Nations
UN Headquarters
First Avenue at 46th Street
New York, NY 10017

The Honorable Secretary General Ki-moon:

As the newly elected president of the United States I am writing this letter to notify you of our plans to withdraw from the United Nations.

Recent revelations regarding the report by your Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) have bought our growing disapproval of the United Nations to a new high. Not only is the IPCC’s report flawed and filled with falsehoods but the head of the IPCC, Dr Rajendra Pachauri, is an advocate for taxing the citizens of the Unites States on their energy use so the UN can give the money to developing nations. In our view this is an unacceptable policy of income redistribution.

Currently we are responsible for 22% of your operating budget and 27% of your peacekeeping efforts. This amounts to $1,075,343,840 of your overblown 2010 total budget of $4,404,972,000. These figures do not represent special contributions that are constantly demanded of us for special projects and relief operations. This does not include the costs to our military for logistics and personnel. This, while the oil rich Saudi Arabia, contributes a mere 0.713% or a paltry sum of $31 million dollars.

Over the years your tract record of corruption, nepotism, scandals and failed peacekeeping operations has been legion. The UN has never been able to keep any peace or prevent the numerous instances of genocide or ethnic cleansing. These efforts have fallen to the responsibility of NATO, which again the American taxpayer has borne the lion’s share of the costs.

As you no doubt are aware  the policies of my predecessor, Barak Hussein Obama, have dragged the United States into a deep and extended recession and with his reckless spending and borrowing he has skyrocketed our national debt. In essence we have run out of cash.

While we have supported the United Nations over the past 65 years we have become increasingly frustrated with its anti American rhetoric and policies. Today our citizens can see no real lasting value to our continuing membership. Therefore we are withdrawing our membership and removing our ambassador.

If you feel this is an affront to your sensibilities and disrespect for the United Nations I am very sorry, but the time has come to join the selfish Swiss and bail out of the UN. We will be more than pleased to allow you to keep your headquarters in New York City and like the Swiss provide you office space for your overblown bureaucracy. However, we would like you to pony up for the $18 million dollars in unpaid parking tickets you owe the City of New York.

If you decide to move your headquarters to some other location, like Strasbourg, France it’s alright with us. We can use the property and allow Donald Trump or Steve Wynn to develop the site into a tax generating property for the City of New York. Just don’t let the door hit you in your ass on the way out.

In the future please do not call 202-456-1414 when there is an earthquake, tsunami, flood, volcanic eruption, civil unrest or genocide anywhere in the world. The switchboard operator has been instructed not to take your call. I am sure your myriad of alphabet organizations and your blue-helmeted police force can take care of them.

Respectfully yours,

Fred Henstridge
45th President of the United States

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